Survive a Breakup Guide

When Relationships Are Under Fire

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With the constant instability of our nation’s economy, more and more couples find their relationships coming under fire.  This is because no matter which relationship expert that you happen to ask, they all give the same answer to the question:  What is the number one reason that marriages and relationships typically come to an end?  The answer they all agree on is finances.  According to a 2018 article in Bazaar, finance-related issues are the leading cause of marriage and relationship breakups.  The same report indicated that 21% of individuals actually blame their mate for the financial woes that exist in their household.

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Stress of the Day

The problems of the day can manage to attack even the healthiest of relationships and cause them to buckle from stress.  Oddly enough, in addition to the myriad of other things that can go wrong in a relationship, money still happens to be the leading issue.  Even couples who are financially comfortable (or well off), end up allowing money issues to be a problem in some way.  Few couples would argue the point that when it comes to money matters, it’s the number one thing in a relationship that couples are likely to fight about.  If you’re reading this information, and your own relationship is on shaky ground, you might attribute it to money issues as well.  As you may have already come to realize, when you fight long enough and hard enough over money and other problems, it starts to take a toll on the relationship.

Eventually one or both of you  will be ready to pull the plug and move on with your life.  More often then not, it’s the woman.  Studies suggest that divorce occurs more in women who got married either very young for the first time, or when they were over the age of 45.  But regardless of your age, or how long you’ve been in a relationship with your current mate, the bottom line is, when it’s time to go, it’s time to go.  Nine times out of ten, it won’t be easy to just walk away, especially if you’ve been with your husband or significant other for a while.  But if you’ve reached a point where you know in your gut it’s time to go, you’ll just have to find a way to do it; no matter how difficult it might be.  That is where this information comes in.

How to Call it Quits and Move On!

No matter how strong you think you may be emotionally, you may have to be twice or even three times as strong in the next few weeks and months.  Going through a romantic breakup and trying to move on with your life might end up being one of the most difficult things you ever have to do.  That’s why I am about to share:  How to Call it Quits and Move On!  The SMART Self-help Relationship Breakup Guide.  I know it’s a mouthful, but every word in that title is relevant.  If you (or someone you know) is in the process of ending a romantic relationship, you will need some smart advice.  You don’t just want to know how to call it quits, you need to also know how to move on, and move on for good.  I published this helpful little resource guide for the first time in 2016, and now I’ve decided to take it off sale and offer it to anyone who needs.

Complete Breakup Guide

The valuable information you are about to go over consists of all the contents of my smart self-help guide.  Not only is it laid out here for you to enjoy in its’ entirety, but I am also making the .PDF version of the guide available to you as a gift; completely free.

 call-quitsHow to Call It Quits and Move OnDISCLAIMER:  Be advised that this publication discusses the personal side of relationship breakup situations.  It should not be viewed as professional advice for breakups where legal, medical or financial repercussions may exist.  It is advisable that these types of issues be handled by consulting an expert in the related field.

The Decision is Yours

As you prepare to read over the contents of this information, remember that it was not written to condemn anyone’s relationship to a quick death nor is the author attempting to make anyone’s decision for them.  The decision has to be yours.  Although so many relationship problems are identical in many ways, there is always some element that is unique to your specific situation.  That’s because we’re all unique individuals, in spite of our varied similarities as human beings.  So when it comes to deciding if it’s YOUR time to put the brakes on the relationship – only YOU can be the judge of that.

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Guide Benefits Everyone

This relationship breakup guide was written in a way that may appear to address only woman, and only heterosexual relationships, but that it not the case.  While that may have been the author’s particular status when writing the material, it is actually meant to help everyone confronting the issue of how to call it quits on a relationship and successfully move on.

Of course, there are plenty of issues that are specifically unique to couples dealing with some of the same type of dynamics when it comes to their mates, but overall, when you get right down to it, all couples face a whole lot of the same problems (including money as we previously discussed).  That is exactly why I can honestly say that this guide benefits everyone.

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How to Call it Quits and Move On!

 

The SMART Self-help Relationship Breakup Guide

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Contents of Guide

Contents of Guide

INTRODUCTION

Section 1– Recognize it’s Time to Give Up

Section 2– What Happens When You Get Out

Section 3– How to Maintain the Desire to Get On

Section 4– Taking Steps to Love Again

 

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INTRODUCTION

 

It can be really hard learning how to get over a relationship breakup, but the reality is, the sooner you face the fact that it’s over and go, the quicker you’ll start to get over it.  Clearly, this is a whole lot easier said than done.  So the question is:  How do you really get over a relationship breakup in a quick and painless way?  Better yet, how will you ever be able to get along without the person who used to be the “someone special in your life?  You may even be worried about how to cope with your need for physical and sexual intimacy if you were ever to leave your current mate.

Because these questions tend to raise the fear of the unknown in us ladies, we will often remain in a broken and unhappy relationship.  Needless to say, this is a big mistake because usually, whatever problems that you’re experiencing only tends to escalate.  Thus the reason for the previous statement, the sooner you face the fact that it’s over and go, the quicker you’ll start to get over it.

When you get down to the truth of the matter, there is no one sure fire way to successfully get over a broken romance.  Whatever attempts that you make to do so; they may not work as quickly with one person as they do with another.  Some women actually take drastic means to get geographically away from a former mate, in an effort to get him out of site and out of mind.  Believe it or not, many times, this won’t even work, especially when it comes to the real issue; the matters of the heart.  This is because no matter how far you physically go to get away, you still have to deal with the emotional and mental aspects of the break up.  These are areas that only time and a new way of thinking can heal.  So before you decide to uproot your entire life, in an effort to get over a break up, you may want to consider some simpler solutions.

The simple strategies and methods that can help you during your breakup all begin with teaching you to develop the right frame of mind about the split.  This is important if you ever really and truly want to get over that lost love.

Relationship Challenges

Relationships are sometimes hard to figure out.  Even when you know that things are broken in your romance, you may find yourself procrastinating about how to end it.  Are you a woman who is hesitating and wondering if you’re really ready to let go?  If you are, rest assured that you are not alone!

Even if the axe has already dropped, you may not feel you’re ready to take that crucial step and accept that it’s over.  This is normal.  The fact that you’re reading this guide indicates that at least you are close to making a definite decision about your relationship.

If you haven’t already officially broken up, you will soon come to grips with your need to do exactly that.  This can be a truly harsh reality to accept.  As much in love as you may have been (and maybe still are), you need to realize that bad relationships can end up turning toxic.  Staying around (for whatever your reasons) can actually do more harm than good.  In spite of this fact, it is a common occurrence to see women who are still reluctant to let go of a bad relationship and move on.

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As you read the material contained in this guide, take your time to ponder each section.  Pay particular attention to the first section.  This is where you are helped to determine if it’s finally time to end a bad relationship.  Listen to the beneficial advice about getting out of a broken romance and staying out.

Take advantage of the wisdom contained in this woman-to-woman self-help guide.  Use it to discover who you really are, what you really want, and how to successfully move on with your life after a breakup.  Only then will you be able to finally enjoy your life again.

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Recognize it’s Time to GIVE UP

One of the hardest things for many women to do is to decide to give up on a romantic relationship.  This is true, even when it is abundantly clear that things are pretty bad and don’t seem to be getting any better.  Notice, I said that this is a problem for many women, but obviously not all women.  As for the remaining percentage of women who don’t have this problem (however many that is), they are the ones who constantly question how any woman could bother to stay in a bad relationship.

For purposes of this publication it is very important that we make something perfectly clear about certain expressions.  The terms bad, broken, or toxic relationships are NOT meant to apply to extreme cases where personal safety or physical abuse is an issue.

This publication focuses on the personal side of relationship breakups and matters of the heart.  In no way, fashion, shape, or form, should this material be viewed as professional advice for breakups that result in legal, medical or financial repercussions.  Do you feel you are in need of relationship counseling, therapy, medical or legal assistance?   If so, it is suggested that you consult the appropriate professional for advice.  Depending on the situation, you may want to speak with someone before making your decision to break up.

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Why Should You Go?

Aside from the obvious reasons like when your safety or your livelihood is threatened, there are lots of ways that a relationship can be bad for you.  For instance, if he claims to love you but is constantly causing you emotional pain, this may be a good reason to split.  Of course, all of us make mistakes that can potentially end up hurting someone’s feelings.  But no matter what the circumstances are, there is no reason to allow someone to continue hurting you time and time again.  When a person is truly sorry for a wrong that they have done, they make a point of not doing it again.  If this is not the case in your current relationship, it may very well be time for you to give up.

You cannot continue staying with a person when you know in your heart that the relationship is deteriorating.  It doesn’t matter whether he puts you down all the time, has a controlling personality, won’t work or help out at home, or takes advantage of you by lying and cheating.   You have got to make a decision on how long you want to continue living your life in this manner.

This may all be more than just a bit familiar to you.  These comments may be a mirror of your own life and current relationship.  You may even be resisting the urge to stop reading so you can continue burying your head in the sand.  After all, your man has probably told you how much he really loves you and is sorry for any and all his offenses.  But the fact that you’re reading this book means that this isn’t the first time you’ve heard those excuses.  The sad thing is, if you continue to stick around, it probably won’t be the last.

Weigh the Pros and Cons

Have you ever had a difficult decision to make and someone suggested that you get a piece of paper, put a line down the middle, and write the words ”Pros” and “Cons” as column headings?  Believe it or not, this list is one of the best ways to make decisions about the most insignificant to the most serious topics.  This is a great way for you to visualize and ponder over all the reasons you should stay in your relationship.  Consider personal reasons that are specific to the relationship, as well as any reasons of a more practical nature that you are concerned with.

While you may be tempted to confide in a friend, or go over your list with someone else, remember that this is your decision to make.  Only you can recognize and determine just how much weight each of your entries should carry.  It is easy to name all the reasons you first fell in love with a person or why you got with him in the beginning.  It’s totally up to you just how much importance you place on these early memories, but be honest in your assessment.  Don’t be afraid to think like Janet Jackson and ask yourself, what has he done for you lately?  In many cases, the answer is “nothing” and that is exactly the problem.

Make an Honest Assessment 

It is really interesting what you discover once you start to make an honest assessment of why you stay, even though you’re unhappy.  As you read about three common reasons that a lot of women give for staying, think about which ones, if any, actually apply to you.  Notice how these reasons for staying actually amount to excuses that we tell ourselves and others.  These excuses allow us to fool ourselves into believing that perhaps things really aren’t all that bad.  In reality, the reasons are nothing more than blinders on our eyes that keep us in denial.  Ask yourself which of these excuses do you wear as a blinder?

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EXCUSE #1 – Perfect in the Beginning

The beginning of your romance was everything you could wish for.  Not only did he appear to have eyes only for you, but he made you feel like you were his everything.  That can be a truly powerful and intoxicating feeling for a woman.  What woman doesn’t want to know that a man is thinking about her morning, noon and evening, all before he gets to see her at night?  We’re a sucker at the thought of him calling just to say good morning or I love you on a lunch break.  Before the two of your beds eventually become one, you simply melt knowing that your voice is the last one he wants to hear before going to sleep.

In this perfect fairy tale world of new love and relationships, everything he did seemed to please you.  You probably felt all warm and fuzzy inside whenever he put his arm around you protectively because some guy looked at you.  You even thought it was cute, the fact that he pouted if it was just a guy friend of yours that you were talking to.  Yep, in the beginning, you had no problem with the fact that he wanted all your attention to himself.  Of course, this is doubly true if he was giving you all his attention in return.  Some men just seem to know all the right things to do at the start of a relationship.  Before you realize it, they’ve wined you, dined you and reeled you in.  Unfortunately, perfect beginnings often result in disastrous ends.

Insecurity in Disguise

Too many times, a relationship that starts out with the perfect guy described above actually turns out to be the romance from hell.  You eventually discover the truth about what you thought were endearing habits and characteristics.  Now you see how the things he did to make you think he was so head over heels in love were just clever ways to disguise his insecurity.

Has the man you believed to be the love of your life turned out to be so controlling and overbearing that he’s beginning to smother you?  It can be stressful being in a claustrophobic relationship that prevents you from breathing.  Even when you try to deny it, you can recognize when this is the case in your relationship.  For example, do you find yourself constantly explaining your every move that you spend out of your man’s eyesight?

Now that things are not so new anymore, you recognize that what was once viewed as attentiveness has somehow turned into possessiveness.  Do you fight about things like staying a little late after work for an innocent girls night out?  When you make a call or your phone rings, does he always have to know who it is?  Some women who have insecure men even have to argue and justify wanting to visit their family and close friends.  Sooner or later, you have to admit to yourself that what started out as much wanted attention has now become unwanted control.

EXCUSE #2 – Because You Love Him

Nine times out of ten, “Because I love him” is the most common answer that women give when asked about staying in troubled relationships.  While most people would agree that love is definitely not always rational, true love doesn’t mean you have to close your eyes to the truth.  You may love him, but does he really love you?  If your relationship consists of a one-sided love, you have to face the fact that you will never be happy in it.  On the other hand, if your mate truly does love you, you should be able to get him to commit to making some serious changes.

Realizing that the man you love has turned out to be a control freak and is making you unhappy, doesn’t automatically mean you should leave him.  It is totally possible for him to possess these flaws, yet still be in love with you.  The question is, how much?  If he loves you enough to communicate and agree to the two of you getting help, there may be hope for you yet.  But be very careful about making a decision to stay when it is clearly based on empty promises.  Make an estimation of the situation with your mind, not with your heart.   Has the problems in your relationship been aired over and over again?  Has he made little or no effort to do better, in spite of all his previous promises?  If this is the case with your current mate, it is time to accept the fact that he probably has no intentions on changing.

You Can’t Change Him

As women, we can hope, want, need and even pray for our men to change and become what we believe is their personal best.  The problem is, as human beings, we don’t have the power to change other people.  You can’t change him, any more than he can change you.  All we can do is have an influence on the other person’s desire to change their selves.   Love is sometimes able to do that, but you have to approach the situation without the blinders.  For you, that means that you have to decide if you love him enough to remain in the relationship in spite of his faults.  In other words, are you prepared to still love him and stick around even if he never changes?  If you are not able to answer yes to this question, then you may as well admit that it is finally time to give up.

EXCUSE #3 – Fear of Being Alone

Too many times, women admit that they’d rather remain in a bad or painful relationship than to get out of it and have to be alone.  Just like millions of other people, we automatically tend to associate being alone with being lonely.  This does not always have to be the case.  As you will consider in another section of this guide, there is a lot to be said for being by yourself.  You will begin to feel differently following a breakup just as soon as you learn how being alone also means being free.  Once you appreciate this concept, a whole new world will seem to open up for you as a single woman.

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Your Poor Track Record

Have you had a poor track record in the past when it comes to men?  If so, you will be especially reluctant to sever a bad relationship.  Maybe all the women you know or grew up with have had bad, difficult or abusive relationships.  When all your girlfriends and other women you know complain about the men in their lives, it helps to justify your own man’s poor behavior.  Worse yet, it reinforces the belief that loving and positive relationships only exist in the movies.

Sad to say, this is exactly the kind of thinking that enables women to feel like they don’t deserve anything better.  After all, who are you to expect to have an honest and caring relationship when everyone else’s relationship is doing just as poorly?  This feeling of being undeserving of a healthy relationship can also stem from childhood.  Fears of inadequacy can usually relate back to the way we were brought up.

For instance, imagine the emotional damage of growing up in a family or environment where you were constantly belittled.  Being the ugly duckling that never got a date in school can create serious self-esteem problems for any woman.  If someone says it enough, you can actually start to believe that you’re no good, incompetent, clumsy, ugly, fat, skinny or some other put down.  This is the kind of negative foundation that all your relationships will end up being built on.  Whether you acknowledge it to yourself or not, a big part of you may actually start to believe that those who rejected you were right.  Maybe you really are a loser.  When you give in to this type of thinking, you convince yourself to be grateful for having a boyfriend at all, even if he turns out to be someone who treats you poorly.  If this sounds like the situation that you currently find yourself in, take courage in the fact that you’re not alone.  All over the world, beautiful women (inside and out) are starting to realize and appreciate their own self-worth.  This is one of the first steps in being able to finally free yourself from a bad and broken relationship.

Don’t be Manipulated

There is another noteworthy reason that women often stay in unhealthy relationships.   This is not a reason that we readily like to admit, but the truth is, some women allow themselves to be manipulated by men who make threats.  This type of man is controlling, but in another kind of way.  Unlike the man that blatantly uses controlling speech and other methods when addressing his woman; the manipulator is much more subtle.

He is the lover that is prone to use emotional blackmail to trap and keep a woman.  He knows just the things to say to make you feel guilty, even when you know for a fact that things are really his fault.  Does your mate constantly keep you on the defensive and feeling guilty, even when you don’t have a clue what you should feel guilty about?  Some manipulators are even known to throw threats around about hurting themselves or others if you should leave.

You may be convinced in your mind that the only way you can prevent this is to remain in the relationship.  You end up staying because you don’t want to bear the guilt or the thought of him actually hurting himself.

If this is the kind of situation that has you afraid to make a positive change, you will have to do some serious soul searching.   Clearly, you cannot go on indefinitely, having to worry and feel responsible for his threats or his actions.  If you believe that him, you, or someone else is truly in jeopardy of being harmed, you may need to seek out professional help.  Make a point to contact the right agency or authorities that can provide you with related details and advice.

Time to Make a Break

No matter which of the above reasons for staying or reasons for going actually apply to you, the longer you wait the harder it will be.  The point of this section was to help you make a definite decision about your relationship, so use this quick checklist and recall the information you just considered.

CHECKLIST:

  • Start by verbalizing to yourself the reasons for considering a break up

  • Create a pros and cons list to help you analyze your situation

  • Consider whether each “Pro” and “Con” is a minor or major issue

  • Consider which of the “Cons” you can live with and which ones you can’t

  • Give yourself a reasonable time to make a decision, but set a deadline

  • Resolve to have a discussion with your mate and don’t drag your feet

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Option 1 If your situation is emotionally unbearable and you determine that it’s best for you to split up sooner than later, schedule a good time and setting so you can have a discussion with your mate.  After the conversation, be prepared to make a clean break if at all possible.  Try and honor any financial obligations or related commitments and attempt to leave on good terms.  If this is not doable at the time, but you feel compelled to go anyway, try to work out a reasonable arrangement.  Whatever you do, don’t allow yourself to be manipulated into staying once you make the decision that it’s time to go.

NOTE:  Keep in mind that this publication focuses on normal breakup situations where no threat of harm or other negative retaliation is an issue.  If this does not describe your relationship, you may need to take other necessary steps to make a safe and speedy departure from your mate.

Option 2 Schedule the right time and setting to have a discussion and notify your mate about your decision to breakup.  If you can, plan a practical departure that allows you (or him) enough time to move without being inconvenienced.  This should also allow you to honor any financial obligations or related commitments.  Doing things this way can help to make a smoother transition and allows the two of you to leave things on a good note.  But don’t allow yourself to flip flop back and forth if the actual split needs to be delayed.  Once you officially make it known that you’re leaving, avoid doing things that send him mixed messages.  Stay focused on your decision by making concrete plans to leave, and taking definite steps to go!

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What Happens When You Get Out

Well believe it or not; before you know it, the day will come when you sit down, take a deep breath and say, “I finally did it!  The relationship is truly over and I’m really out.”  Like many things in life, this can be a bittersweet moment.  You may find yourself having a hard time once the realization starts to settle in.  That means you will need to be prepared for your feelings to fluctuate between high and low periods.  This is perfectly normal.  So is the desire to contact him right away and go flying back into his arms.  It can be so overwhelming, that if you’re not careful, you’ll do exactly that.  While it may seem like a good idea at the time, doing that would only result in recreating a problem that has already been resolved.

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You have to be able to tell yourself that you definitely did all that you could to make it work and now this is what is best for you both.  If you can say that to yourself and know in your heart that it is true, you have definitely made the right decision.  Now stick to it!  In order to remain strong and committed to your decision, you should keep the following points in mind.

REMEMBER:

  • Giving in to the urge to run back based on emotions is not wise

  • Your reasons to leave were well thought out and they still exist

  • Impulsively going back, only to leave again is not fair to the man

  • Attempting to go back might result in rejection, humiliation, or a dispute

  • You lose respect in his eyes due to indecision and bouncing back and forth

Keeping all of the above points in mind will help you remain committed to the choice that you decided was best.  If necessary, keep the list of “Pros” and “Cons” that you made handy.  Put it somewhere so you can easily read and recall why the relationship ended in the first place.  This can be a tremendous help during a time of weakness, but you’re going to need something to occupy your mind.

Find a New Focus

Sometimes it takes a NEW FOCUS.  Finding a new objective that you can feel strongly about will build a new determination in you.  It can help provide you with the momentum you need in your life in order to move on.  Some positive things to focus your attention on include:  Exercise and getting fit, joining a book club or some other group, or maybe just taking on a new hobby.

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Have you ever stopped to think about all the different things in the world that interest or fascinate you?  You may not want to get out there and swim with dolphins, but maybe there is something else that you’ve always wanted to do.  Or maybe you DO want to go swim with dolphins, but your boyfriend or ex-mate always thought it was a stupid idea.  Well guess what?  Now is your chance because you’re free.  If this is what you want to focus your attention on, then do the research and make a plan.  Go swim with the dolphins!

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Remembering Who YOU Are

There are lots of reasons that people sometimes find it hard getting over a relationship, especially one that they have been in for a long time.  One particular reason holds true for both men and women (although more woman tend to fall into this pattern).  That reason is loss of individuality.   When you meet someone and become involved over a period of time, your individual lives begin to gradually shift.  First, it’s only in small ways, but before you know it, your life is consumed with HIM.

We women are such romantics and we can be oblivious to things during a new relationship.  It can be nice to have someone vying for your time and attention on a regular basisIn some romances, the relationship starts out so intense at the beginning that your individual lives begin to IMMEDIATELY shift; not in small, but MAJOR ways.

A lot of these hot and super intense relationships also end up turning out to be very unhealthyFor some reason, society is attracted to the idea of intense love to the extreme.  This is evident in love stories as old as Romeo & Juliet or as new as Bella and Edward in the Twilight Saga.  Although we might romanticize about this type of overpowering love, it is doubtful that we could stand living it.  Would you really want a relationship that required you to give up everything in your life that wasn’t HIM?  Yes, that includes giving up YOU as well.

Reclaim what You Sacrificed

What things did you give up when you first got into the relationship you just walked away from?   Depending on how stretched your time was to begin with, you probably never had enough time to spread around among the people you love.  If your man was controlling, possessive, selfish, or just spoiled, you probably never had any real time for the things you personally like to do.  Eventually, that became part of the problem.  The things you ended up sacrificing are the things you really enjoyed doing; the things that made you “YOU”.   For instance you loved spending time with your friends whether or not they were male or female.  It used to be an enjoyable pastime that you tried in vain to make your new man a part of.

Juggling your time and attention between your mate and your friends can be difficult to do even when your man is not controlling or insecure. 

This is because even when you are fortunate enough to find someone that doesn’t mind being with you and your friends, it changes the whole dynamics of things.  Of course, everyone has different situations and circumstances, and some may be really lucky not to have these issues, but overall this is what a great number of us go through in a relationship.

In the above scenario, during the time that you remain in your romantic relationship, your other relationships may begin to suffer.    Don’t be surprised to find that once that relationship is over, you look around and realize that your circle of friends have gone or diminished.  You don’t have the same close rapport with the friends and family that you have probably ignored (if not neglected).  Not only that, but you do not posses the same desire to do the things you once loved.  In fact, you do not have the desire to do anything enjoyable, because you stopped being YOU and became an US.  Now that there is no more US, where does that leave YOU?

None of us ever want to visualize a life without our man, but those who are still in romantic relationships should think about this point.  Even the best of romances can unexpectedly come to an end (death, illness, incarceration, etc.).  That is why it is important to always maintain your sense of self.    If doesn’t matter if you are happy with your mate and just reading this book out of curiosity, or you are finally out of a bad relationship.  Now is the time to start finding and doing things you like to do, by yourself, or with others, (Yes, WITHOUT your mate)!

You have to maintain some form of individuality whether you are with someone or not.   This is not to say that you should not do things with your lover, or together with him and other people.  On the contrary, if you and your mate NEVER do things together or with others, you are probably already headed for trouble.  But you still should have people in your life who are somehow exclusive to you.  Whether you are with someone or not, your individuality is important to your unique identity and self-esteem.  If you do not have ANYTHING else, you should ALWAYS have that!

Enjoy Your Newfound FREEDOM!

Now that you have your freedom, don’t waste your time taking what you do have for granted by fretting over what you do not have.  Don’t make the mistake of viewing your newfound FREEDOM as having too much time on your hands!  It is NOT too much time on your hands, rather, it is finally the time and freedom to concentrate on what really makes you happy.  In fact, no matter who you are, there is one fun activity that you can enjoy on a regular basis, whether you become a participant or a spectator.  This might sound strange, but that activity is Karaoke.

Relieve Some Stress

If laughter is the best medicine, there is no better way to have a good laugh than spending an evening out enjoying karaoke singing.  Believe it or not, this is actually a fun and stress-free way to help cure your relationship blues.  Even scientific research has proven that music can have a therapeutic and healing affect.  Not only is singing karaoke a fun way to take your mind off your problems, but it is also a very liberating experience.  For a woman who is fresh out of a bad relationship, this can give you a great self-esteem boost, if only for the night.  That is why regular karaoke on a weekly basis can eventually help to start chasing away those unwanted blues.

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Why Try Karaoke

Throughout the years, karaoke has become a popular pastime to enjoy both on the weekends and during the week.  Many individuals enjoy the boost they get from singing on stage in front of others.  The enjoyment they experience is more than simple fun.  It is an effective way to cure the blues, even when you don’t realize you have them.  Of course, it is better if you’re the one up on the stage bellowing out the tunes, but you can even enjoy yourself by being in the audience.

Co-workers have been using this after work pastime as a way to get together and unwind.  The activity has become symbolic with a night of fun and relaxation.  If you think singing in the shower is liberating, it is nothing compared to singing in front of strangers who don’t give a hoot about how bad you might sound.  Karaoke is known to provide an undeniable pick me up from a stressful workday.  It is also been used as the perfect icebreaker and a great way to help people loosen up and enjoy themselves.

Now that you’re out and on your own, it can also be used as a way to help you appreciate your newfound freedom.

There is another reason that Karaoke can be a great choice in activity during this time.  As you go through the aftermath of the breakup, you won’t always want to hear the advice that your friends offer so freely (if you still have any friends).  So while you might need your friends to be around for moral support, you don’t necessarily want to hear anyone’s opinion.  That’s where karaoke comes in.   All the singing can be a great diversion from friends who mean well with their helpful pep talks.

Not only can you avoid listening to all that good advice, but you can also throw back a few beers, or a couple of great Apple Martinis.

apple-martiniDrinks tend to provide just the right incentive to get you to the microphone and singing your heart out!  If you’re blue over a break up, a fun night of karaoke gets you out of the house and helps to take your mind off things.

 

Don’t’ think that it won’t be tough adjusting to life without your former boyfriend or mate.  You will definitely need to fill the void that comes from standing over the stove alone, eating soup out of the can.  Karaoke can fill that void if you let it.

 

Besides the singing, when it comes to the weekly karaoke venue, it can hold a lot more appeal for those who patronize the same spot religiously.  Frequenting the same venue week after week allows karaoke fans to build up a rapport with other enthusiasts.  This tends to create a great support system when amateur singers continually encourage one another.  Having just gotten out of a relationship, a cheering section is exactly what you need!  Being uplifted in one area can provide a needed boost in other areas.  It’s hard to stay down when others are continually lifting you up.  The encouragement that karaoke singers typically lavish on one another does wonders for curing the blues.

Don’t underestimate all this information regarding karaoke.  As strange as it may seem, it was included in this serious topic about breakups for a reason.  Getting involved in this kind of activity on a regular basis can make a big difference in your life following a breakup.  As was previously mentioned, singing karaoke is a very liberating experience.  It can elevate how you view yourself because not only are most of the participants amateur singers, but in many cases, they can barely hold a note.  This usually doesn’t make a bit of difference to the audience who will typically cheer the singer on.  Even still, it takes courage to get up on the stage and sing in front of others.  Being able to conquer your fears and do it anyway is definitely a self-esteem boost.

Now that you can appreciate the benefits of finding a this type of hobby, why not call up a girlfriend, do a little research and find a weekly karaoke spot to start visiting near you.

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How to Maintain the Desire to Get On

Your original drive and determination to get on with your life can begin to decrease during various stages after the breakup.  One primary reason for this is the fact that we women tend to get used to having a familiar body to be close and intimate with.  Unlike most males, women are not typically comfortable hopping into bed with someone different, following a long monogamous relationship.  Just because HE is gone doesn’t mean that your sex drive is gone.  All of your same urges still exist, except your mate is no longer there to fulfill them.  So now what do you do?

One thing for sure that you DON’T do is run out and find the first warm body to cuddle up to and/or get your freak on with! 

The bottom line is; if you start allowing those sexual desires to dictate who you end up in bed with, you’re setting yourself up for a worse situation than you just got out of!  This is exactly how some women end up dating married men who cheat on their wives, or men who don’t have an ounce of concern or respect for the woman.

You cannot start allowing yourself to be controlled by the strong physical need that consumes your body.  If you do, you’ll find yourself settling for any form of liar, cheat, deadbeat, or unappealing guy that you aren’t even really attracted to.  What you have to learn to do instead is teach yourself how to take control of your own happiness.  This includes your emotional, physical and sexual needs and desires.  When you discover ways to make yourself happy, your initial zeal and desire to get on with your life will continue to burn in your heart.

Release the Past

One of the hardest things to do after a bad breakup is learning how to release the past.  Even if it has been weeks or months since the official split, you may still find yourself clinging to any and every thing that reminds you of him.  This is only natural, but if you keep this behavior up for too long, it starts to become unhealthy.  Sometimes, the best thing to do is just to use the band aid approach.  In this instance, ripping the band aid off the wound would amount to ending your relationship cold-turkey.

To do this, you would need to do just the opposite of what you have probably been doing.   Instead of finding reasons to think, talk, or even run into your former mate, you must make a point to avoid anything that relates or reminds you of him.  Of course, this may seem a little extreme, but it is only until you get over that “I just gotta see him or hear his voice” stage.  Once the real healing starts, it won’t be as difficult to be reminded of the broken relationship.  Until then, stay on your guard and keep taking steps to release the past.

dos-and-donts

 

The following tips can help:

  • Stop all unnecessary communication with him until it doesn’t hurt anymore
  • Put any photos, keepsakes and other items connected to him out of sight
  • Stop finding reasons to talk about him or slip his name into the conversation
  • Stop inquiring about “how he’s doing” to mutual friends and associates
  • Resist the urge to follow him or his activities on social media
  • For a while, limit or discontinue spending time with mutual friends of yours
  • Avoid favorite places or common hangouts where the two of you spent time
  • Avoid music, movies, and locations that remind you of him
  • Live your life and start creating new friends, favorite places, and memories

As you can see, it may take a little effort to get your former lover off your mind and heart, but you can do it if you really want to.  No matter how lonely you get or how much you start to miss him, playing familiar songs that only make you cry won’t help!  Neither will sobbing your eyes out while desperately clutching his picture to your chest.  Dwelling about how much you miss him is self-destructive and doesn’t help you any.

breakup-support-groups

Here are 2 online sources to start with if you want to try a divorce and breakup support group:

  Daily Strength Org.  |  Divorce Support Groups

Some women take a whole other approach and waste time and energy hating their ex.  But believe it or not, using his photo for target practice while gulping down a fifth of Tequila is also counter-productive.  You can’t waste your time staying angry at him or pining away for your dead relationship.  Start focusing your attention on you and what makes you happy.  Get dressed up for you.  Smell good for you.  Prepare a special meal for you.  Do whatever it takes to snap you out of the downward spiral you keep falling into whenever you think about him.

Keep Looking Forward

As the days following the breakup turn into weeks and months, be prepared to encounter some rough patches.  During these times, it is important to keep looking forward.  Even when you’ve been out of the relationship and alone for a while, your single and alone status will still feel new.  You may find yourself getting lonely a lot, even during times when other people are around.  More than anything, you probably miss having someone to cuddle up to at night or talk to in the evening (even if all the two of you ever did was argue).

If you and your mate have children that you take care of by yourself now, things are probably extra hard.  Supporting a family and doing everything to maintain a household as a single person is difficult.  That is why when children and finances are a major concern, a breakup really should be thought out properly.  If ever you needed to weigh your decision wisely, it’s when kids are involved.  But since you have already carefully thought about this, don’t make yourself crazy by second-guessing your decision.  Just remember that no matter how hard things may seem now that you and he are split up, you made a concrete decision to end the relationship.  The reasons you did it were valid and those reasons haven’t changed.  If you keep that in mind, it will help you get through the tough and lonely times successfully.

Improve Your Self-Image

In order for you to survive the various stages of a breakup, you need to start developing a better self-image; one that realizes just how special you really are.  This may or may not be a particularly serious issue, depending on how well-adjusted you were prior to the relationship.  Sometimes, we just encounter the wrong man in our lives, though we may have been doing fine up until that point.  If this is the case, it probably won’t take long to start learning how to enjoy and pamper yourself again.

On the other hand, if your self-esteem was already low, it certainly didn’t improve any by being in a relationship where you are ignored, unappreciated, mistreated or simply unloved.  Under these types of circumstances, it may take a while before a woman learns how to appreciate her true worth.

Something as simple as allowing yourself a day at the spa to be pampered can be the start of a whole new outlook. 

Before you know it, you will begin to treat yourself to other guilty pleasures that you would have never thought to enjoy before.

To your surprise, you may find yourself turning into a different kind of shopper; the kind who likes to spoil herself every once in a while.  This is a good thing, as long as you don’t take food off the table, neglect the rent, or run your credit cards into debt.   You deserve to feel and look good, so don’t be afraid to spend a little time and money on yourself.  Learn to cater to your own physical needs and desires.  If money is tight, you can still find ways to treat and pamper yourself.  The key is finding ways to feel good inside and out, so that you can continue developing a healthy self-esteem.

Enjoy Simple Pleasures

There are tons of affordable things that we women can do to pamper our bodies.  For instance, some women pay hundreds of dollars for health and beauty skin care products.  But you can actually get some of the same benefits from a simple homemade scrub.  A body scrub can make your skin feel absolutely fabulous and it is also a very healthy treatment.

Just like the earlier section in this book about karaoke, the emphasis here on body scrubs might seem a bit odd.  But don’t be fooled.  The renewed and invigorating feeling that can come from a simple body scrub is unmatched and should not be underestimated.  Keep this in mind as you continue reading and get the details on how to make a quick little brown sugar body scrub.

Why a Body Scrub   

There is a chance that your new relationship status may cause you to have to tighten your purse strings.  If so, don’t fret.  You can still find ways to enjoy simple pleasures without straying from your budget.   The cost of r making a homemade brown sugar body scrub is very low.  It only takes a few dollars to whip up this simple skin care treatment.

brown-sugar-scrubA body scrub is a mixture of ingredients, designed to be applied on your body and help exfoliate your skin.  Exfoliating is a very necessary part of a healthy skin care regiment.  It involves removing dead skin cells.  These cells cling to the skin’s surface in such a way that a mild abrasive is required to remove them.  Gently rubbing a body scrub substance on the skin will help to lift off stubborn dead cells effectively.  Substances that can be used for body scrubs include coffee grounds, salt, and of course, some good old-fashioned brown sugar.  There are other ways to exfoliate the skin, but this method is considered to be one of the simplest forms of mechanical exfoliation.

From the above paragraph, you can see how a body scrub might even seem mentally therapeutic for some women.  They may choose to look at it as symbolic of their breakup.  Just think about it; you are shedding dead and unwanted skin, just like you did with your unhealthy relationship.  Whether you choose to see things this way, or not, you’ll simply love the body scrub.  You won’t believe how great you feel afterwards.

The following brown sugar recipe is a perfect little body scrub.  Not only is the recipe easy to prepare, but you probably have the ingredients to make it already in your home.  This particular body scrub recipe uses the dynamic duo of almond oil and vitamin E oil.  Vitamin E is a powerhouse vitamin all on its own.  When it comes to healthy skin, it has been used for centuries, in one form or another.   Antioxidant activity in vitamin E is what protects skin cells from a variety of harmful elements, including ultra violet rays, drugs and other chemical toxins.  Almond oil is another beneficial ingredient.  It is safe for use on any type of skin.  Just like vitamin E, almond oil helps to lighten dark circles (when used in facials).  It also helps to delay aging and acts as a moisturizer.  Not only does it serve to relieve itchy and dry skin, it also helps to prevent it.

Combining these two oils will result in more supple and glowing skin.  Think about the boost to your ego, as your skin starts to look fresher and newer.  People will start to notice and acknowledge how much better you look since you shed that unwanted “dead skin” (if you get my drift).  Why not try this simple body scrub that can be made and applied in a matter of minutes.

Brown Sugar Body Scrub

Ingredients:

1 cup brown sugar

1/3 cup almond oil

1/2 teaspoon Vitamin E oil

1 teaspoon real vanilla extract

Directions:

Simply combine all the ingredients in a bowl.  Take your time and stir everything thoroughly.  Transfer the mixture to a sealed container and keep it for future use.  It will keep for up to 2 months.

To use the sugar scrub, just apply it on your wet skin.  Gently massage the mixture into your skin then rinse thoroughly with warm water.  Once you discover how great you look and feel, you’ll want to make getting a body scrub a regular thing to do.

Sexual Gratification

Sexual gratification is a delicate subject, especially for people who live alone or don’t have a mate.  When people complain that they are not experiencing enough sexual pleasure in their life, they generally blame this fact on one of the following reasons:  They don’t have a sexual partner or love interest at the time OR they currently have a sex partner or love interest, but for whatever reason, that person doesn’t satisfy their sexual desires.

Either of the above situations would imply that a person’s individual sexual gratification is dependent on someone else.  But this doesn’t have to be the case.  With the countless personal massage products and erotic toys on the market, there is no need to allow someone else the power of controlling our personal pleasure (or lack thereof).  Whether we’re in a relationship or not, WE are the ones who should be in control of the sexual pleasure we experience.

Perhaps this wasn’t an issue when you had a steady someone to enjoy intimate times with.  But now that you’re not in a relationship, you still have to find a way to address those needs.  Are you one of those women who has never used an erotic toy or personal massage product before?  Well you may need to start rethinking how you feel about this subject.  Ever since your breakup, you should be on a mission of self-discovery.   At some point, that discovery will start to include acknowledging who you are sexually.

Personal Massage Products

Personal massage products are just one of the many ways to discover your inner sexual personality and start enjoying sensual pleasure again.  A personal massager is a small battery operated device that typically fits in the palm of your hand, although Trojan has a “mini” massager that is even smaller than most.

self-gratificationThere is certainly nothing wrong with being in the arms of a wonderful lover that provides hours (or at least a few good minutes) of sexual gratification.  But the absence of a lover should not be a reason for an absence of pleasure.  The sensual pleasure that can come from personal massagers and erotic toys can be derived with or without a mate.  No one should feel timid about going it alone.  After all, the primary purpose of personal massagers and other erotic toys is for self-stimulation.  That is why personal massage products can provide hours of sensual stimulation with satisfying results every time.

These products provide a great way for you to take control of your own sexual pleasure, while waiting to find your next true love.  There is no need for you to start jumping in and out of strange beds for a little gratification.  You can achieve the same result in your own bed alone, and not have to hate yourself in the morning.

Most people are shy about discussing ways to receive sexual gratification, especially through self-stimulation.  If going into a store to purchase a personal massager or other erotic product sounds intimidating, not to worry.  There are a number of available sites that will allow you to shop for, purchase, and receive your new BFF discreetly.  You can choose from a variety of products that will accommodate all types of self-stimulation and will provide hours of pleasure.  You don’t have to experience a total drought when it comes to sexual gratification.  You have the power to take control of your own pleasurable experiences.  That is why self-gratification is called “self” gratification.  Satisfying yourself alone can be liberating.

How they Work

There are some things to know before you pick the right toy for your personal enjoyment.  You want your first experience to be memorable, but not because it resulted with an embarrassing trip to the hospital!   You need to get to know and understand your first toy.  It’s best to know how the personal massage products that provide sexual gratification, actually work.  Personal massagers are different from other vibrators (which vary tremendously in size and style).

Personal massagers provide pleasure from stimulating vibrations. They are NOT typically created for insertion, and they are generally not even phallic in shape like a lot of other sexually stimulating toys.  Sexual satisfaction is derived from personal massagers by external stimulation. This stimulation can be given to the clitoris, the outer labia and even nipples.  As you may have guessed, there is a huge variety of these and other related products that you can find out about and even order online when you are ready.  When you finally obtain one, you should make the first time you use it a special occasion.

Make A Date With Yourself

Once you’ve taken the necessary steps to obtain the personal massager of your choice, it’s time to make a date with yourself.  You want to settle on a time and place where you can be alone and uninterrupted in order to fully discover your new BFF!  Unlike some erotic toys, personal massagers are usually pretty quiet, however, if you are normally a loud lover, you’d better make sure your walls are sound proof.  Not only do you want to have plenty of privacy, you might find it enjoyable to actually set the mood with some low lights and soft music (after all, it is your first date).

pamper-after-breakup

Getting Intimate With Yourself

Just like any new relationship you embark on, being comfortable with your new personal massager will take some getting used to.  While you are sure to derive pleasure from the moment you experience what your new toy feels like, it will take some time to truly discover its full potential.  In order to do this, you must not be afraid to be intimate with yourself and explore what exactly brings you the most pleasure.  Allow yourself to kick back on your date and get in a totally relaxed frame of mind (thus the low lights and soft music).  When your head is clear of all outside thoughts, it will be easier to free your mind of any subconscious hang-ups or inhibitions.  Once you do this, you will find that personal massagers can provide extreme sexual delight.  Your pleasure and satisfaction can be endless because you are in control of your own gratification.

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Taking Steps to Love Again

By the time you begin to feel comfortable with using your new toy, your heart should pretty much be on the mend.  What does that mean?  That perhaps it is time you start thinking about trying love again.  When the time comes, you will know it, but until then, don’t be in a hurry to rush things.  Remember, you’ve been spending a lot of time getting to know yourself and what you really want.  Don’t make the mistake of jumping back into the trenches too soon and ending up in another bad relationship.  There’s no hurry, so take your time.  But while you’re being cautious, you can still do some things to increase your chances of meeting the right guy.

Don’t Plan to Fail

Since you haven’t been successful with romantic relationships in the past, this time around you may want to create a plan.  As you already know, finding the right person in life is not easy.  That is why having a plan of action can help.  You can’t afford to just leave things to chance!  Some women have found that the longer it takes to happen, the harder it gets.  These same women admit that they haven’t bothered to develop a plan, yet they still keep hoping to meet Mr. Right.

When you think about it, it sounds crazy.  In practically every other aspect in our lives, we take the time to methodically think things out.   We make notes and create lists, itemizing every essential part of the plan.  In essence, we figure out what needs doing, and we do it.  We have to learn to do the same thing regarding matters of the heart.  This time, when it comes to finding true love, or what society likes to refer to as Mr. Right, you can’t afford to leave it to chance.  Start giving thought to your plan of action.

Know What You Want

Before even considering what that plan of action should be, the very first question you need to address is:  “What do I really want and need in a man?  There is no way that you can actively pursue something if you don’t know exactly what it is you’re looking for.  For some reason, romance is one of the important areas in life that we all tend to just leave to chance.  Two key reasons some have not yet found true love are because they don’t know exactly what they want and if they do know, they’re not actively in pursuit of it.

Well just how do you figure out what it is you’re looking for?  Knowing exactly what you need and want in Mr. Right may require actually writing some things down on paper.  So break out a pen and paper, just like you did before you ended your last relationship.  Think long and hard about the matter and treat it as seriously as if you were in the market for a car, an apartment or a job.  You wouldn’t leave either of the three to chance, so don’t do it with your love life.  It should be equally important, if not more so, than a car, a job or an apartment.

Begin To Actively Search

Once you know exactly what you want in the next man that you commit to, you should start actively searching.  Yes, literally be on the lookout for him and keep your mission in your conscious mind.  No one can tell you where to look because no one knows your likes and dislikes better than you.  Just start getting out more and doing the things you enjoy.  While you are making a conscious effort to find that special someone, you’ll also be having fun in the process.  We automatically shine and are most attractive when we’re enjoying the things we love.  Not only are you more prone to meet someone who likes the same things you like, but you’ll appear more appealing to them when you do.

When actively seeking your Mr. Right, there are some specific do’s and don’ts to keep in mind.  Some things are pretty basic reminders, but they can still help improve your quality of life, whether you find a mate or not.  Notice the examples below.

REMINDERS:

  • Make a smile part of your regular attire.  No matter what you look like, a smile will always make you look better

  • Always try to look your best when out in public.  You never know when and if Mr. Right is watching.

  • Stay abreast of current events, read books watch movies and listen to music.  You’ll never run out of something interesting to talk about.

Who of us could deny how much better we look when we have a smile on our face.  As for looking your best, this doesn’t mean a woman has to always have her face fully made up before leaving the house.  It simply means that we should resist those urges to go out in rollers, house shoes, grungy sweats, and so on, just because we’re only running to the store.  When it comes to our conversation, no matter what material we like to read or what type of movies and music we favor, these are areas that will always provide us with plenty to talk about.

You can see how these basic suggestions can come in handy during your search for a new love.  However, it is the kind of common sense advice that can only benefit you if you do it.  For many women, that is the hardest part.  Even though we clearly love to read about what to do when it comes to love and romance, most of the time that’s all we do.  Read about it.  How often and for how long do we follow the good advice of the expert’s (or amateurs for that matter)?  Now is the time to make a change and take the initiative.  It’s true, you could very easily meet Mr. Right while standing in line at the grocery store, but what are the odds?  And even if you do meet him there, will you be presentable if he approaches?  You will if you start formulating a plan of action today.   This will increase the odds of you finding the person who is truly right for you, unlike the jerk in your last relationship.

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GOOD LUCK!

reminder-to-review

charms-resource-trio

If you find yourself anxious or bored at night and not able to sleep, you can always find a good book to pick up and read.  Here are three of my own works of fiction that I think you might enjoy.  All three are available on AMAZON.

 

charm-baker-fiction

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For Other Books by this Publisher:

Visit:  www.charmbaker.com